To be honest I remember little about you and as time goes by, the memories I hold dear keep fading away. It’s funny and at the same time sad as to how I can’t even remember your voice. I feel guilty about it but again they say time has way of healing us and we learn to let go of things we don’t have control over. When you were there I was never close to you, as you know I was more of a daddy’s girl. I look at myself now, the lady I have become and I see someone you would have been proud to call your daughter… without a doubt we would have been best of friends. I keep wondering how things would have been had you still been here today, looking at the battles I have fought in life, things that went south after you left us, truly you were the glue to the family. With time I have come to understand that things were neither easy for you nor were you happy. With maturity all that riddles and puzzles have fallen into place, I applaud you for putting your children first before anything else, you were truly an African Woman On-point. Even on your death bed you called on me to be taken care of because you knew your baby was already not well as you departed, however God has to it that I have fallen in greatest hands. You may not be here to see how far I have come mama; one thing is you have been my guardian angel. In my condition through God who has sustained me I have emerged a proof of life, indeed God is there in our darkest times. One of the traits I got from you is that of a fighter, it’s been a long road and I almost gave up had God not carried me through. I fought a battle which had you been there would have been easier for me however God stepped in and took it all up. One thing I want to tell you is that you leaving us taught me to not lean on my own understanding but to fully trust in God. He alone holds the answers to life questions. He is good and faithful, He filled that void you left and He surprises me every single day in many ways. Mama there is no greater feeling as knowing there is someone somewhere you can trust with your life and will never let you down. The best part is that He understands me completely; He knows your baby is difficult by nature, very sensitive, loves the best in life, quite moody, changes her spot in a split of a second, has a beautiful heart, sometimes jealous and envious of the things she can’t have, insecure, sweet & adorable and quite ambitious in life. Mama your baby is imperfect and He knows it yet He still loves her unconditionally. I know my children will never get to meet you and just as in my eyes you saw the miracle God gave you, I hope I did make you happy and as a result be the best mother ever to them. I pray when I have a daughter “And she wraps her hand around my finger it will puts a smile in my heart and everything will become a little clearer and realize what life is all about”
I pray she turns out beautiful just like you, she will be named after you. With certainty I know she will have a heart like yours; A heart of gold.
NB: God opened away I found a mother who is very loving and understanding, definitely treats me as her own. Many are the times I see God in her eyes she is an amazing woman, an angel sent from above to take care of your baby girl. Mama she’s one in a million and she’s taught me the virtues of a woman, she is kind hearted and very much giving with an open hand. I really love her for she’s the best mother in this earth. When I get a job I will always shower her with gifts and spoil her like I would have done to you had you still been here. She wants a new car and new fridge I sincerely pray that God may grant the desires of her heart.
The memories might all fade away however you still remain in my eyes; will always love you most.
In Loving Memory of EVERLYNE .A. JUMA
©2013
The Making of a Disciple 