“Once you fall in love… its different.” that’s what my friend told me a few days back According to friend dearest It’s easy to convince yourself you’re not in love with someone, until you see that person one day and then your Damn heart whispers, “Here we go again!” Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement. Somethings you hide at the bottom of your heart because you don’t want them mentioned, others you hope someone asks about even though you’re hiding them. No need for perfection just be true and it will come knocking on your door!!!”
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky,
PS: IF CHRIST DIED FOR YOU THEN YOU DESERVE MORE,
“It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.”
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.
She was not born of a silver spoon. She alone knows the weight. Masks hold such power and she wears hers like a crown on her head. She fights for everything because nothing comes easy. If she had given up every time she felt her life crumbling into pieces, she would not have the courage to witness that life goes on. Pain, eventually, renders her numb and she learnt to let go since giving up is not an option. Best believe, her faith has taken her places her fears dared not go because she choose to believe in that still small voice. That same voice that said “I will break you to make you whole…I will Raise you from the ashes, for I did set you apart in your mother’s womb. I knew you by name and every strand of hair on your head. I will go before you and level the mountains in your life. I know the trials and tribulations you will go through thus, I sent my Beloved Son to open way for Mercy and Compassion. Through him I said it was finished and I meant it. All you have to do is believe in me, I will show you how Magnificent I am and have always been. I am the same one who parted the sea for the Israelites to pass through. I provided manna in the desert and I provided a lamb when I commanded Abraham to sacrifice his own son Isaac. I sent my only Son as a demonstration of my love for you…through His crucifixion you were redeemed in my Grace. I, who am able to do exceedingly, abundantly even more than you could ever ask for, am faithful to those who choose to trust in me. I keep my word, and from generation to generation I stay the same. Be still! Allow me to come through for you, be patient in affliction and faithful in your prayers. Lay your burdens, worries, sickness and depression before me…Let me know the deepest desires that you have kept in your heart. Allow me to work in you and for you. Lay down your armor for you have little strength and you are weary of the troubles around you. Let me fight for you…I will shield you from the weapons of the enemy…my body is full of scars as an evidence of what was won at the cross for your sake. Yes! There is nothing too big for me; I have prevailed before and darkness bowed down, the curtain was split, no longer a hindrance but the mercy seat is reachable to you. I conquered death for you. I ask you again what is it that I cannot do? Submit to me, unload yourself of those burdens and delight in me that your desires may be granted. There are no impossibilities with me… There is no ocean I cannot cross for you and there is no storm that I cannot calm in your life. Call upon my name, petition your requests to me and I will answer. For I will never forsake you, I will never leave you. You will emerge victorious and through you, my name will be Glorified and praised. You are my own, I know what you have gone through and when you acknowledge my presence in your life I am delighted to know that you see my footprints in it. Do not give up, Persistence is the key that unlocks the faith and through faith I Place an open door before you. Do not give up, Wait upon me patiently I am working behind the scene. Though you might not feel my presences, look up to that Cross. Breakthrough is around the corner. Do not give up! those who trust in me are never ashamed. I love you with an everlasting love, I will build walls of fire around you and anyone who tries to come in unless with my permission will be burnt. Do not give up! For it is done in my name…A name so Great that at the utterance of it the chains in your life will be broken and you will be set free…Free indeed! Do not give up! The yoke cannot hold and the generational ties are cut in my name. From you I am raising a generation of remnants in me. You are a child of a king…a princess, royalty runs deep within your veins and since you have chosen me… I choose to fight for you and like the walls of Jericho I will bring the enemy down at you feet. VICTORY IS YOURS you just have to claim it in my NAME!!!!
PS: I have a way of making things Beautiful in my own time…I am not late; the timing has to be perfect I follow process. “
“A cord of three is not easily broken.” Love is a CHOICE that comes with responsibility which should not be COMPLICATED… I recently met a friend and as we were chatting about the various aspects of our lives as usual… the topic drifted to “Are you seeing someone?” Well, this got me thinking…. I always felt the need to validate my relationship status of course why am I still single until recently when an Aha! Moment hit me. All my life I have tried Note the word tried to avoid meaningless relationships, I mean shouldn’t it be goal oriented? Therefore, I chose not to just settle. Call me picky, too choosy or even lack of greener pastures on my side remember I can mow my lawn, water it and end result lush green ahaa! …Well, for me a man is not responsible for my happiness. I have learnt how to go to God for my joy and filling. It’s a process; baby steps at that. Do not misquote me; for I know there are good men out there thumbs up to those who have found their adorable matches. However, I believe that if we just raise our standards just by a small margin we can stop drawing in the wrong ones. For me a relationship that’s moving too fast; especially when the conditions are not God-honoring or considerate of each other or others, result into dire heartbreak for our feelings tend to fool us and our understanding is limited. Only God knows when I will be ready for that responsibility of commitment; He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances and for that I will wait patiently!
“You can make many plans, but, the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” ~ Proverbs 19:21
Here is the Funny thing, am über thankful for closed doors or opportunities as many of you might say. They often guide us to that right one, why? A man is so much more than sex and money. I would like someone who just doesn’t promise yet, commits whole heartedly. You see the difference is a Promise is an assurance or declaration of doing something while Commitment is the declaration for which one tends to become dedicated to ensure that the declaration holds true. See, eh! Am not looking for perfection in a man or someone who will complete me (attributes of God alone). Am in search of that simplicity in its own beauty that individuality of one whose imperfect yet brings out the best in me. I mean am that girl… inspiring me is good but when you make me laugh magic happens to my heart. Willing to go an extra mile to uncover beneath my fragile heart; a personality so complex full of abundance of thoughts and feelings which am great at hiding by the way. In my warm-heartedness, lies a sympathetic and understanding nature. I expect a lot from others and equally from myself too. May he know am a very good judge of character given that my downside is reserved; confiding my thoughts and feelings to only the very few that I trust. Am deeply hurt by rejection or criticism unless constructive but that’s depends on how you put it. However, am loyal and reliable; a permanent relationship is very important to me. He will not only have to break through the shell but bring down the sky scraping walls surrounding it for I seldom fall in love, head over heels nor do quick affairs. I will sometimes find it very difficult to clearly show my affection although those feelings are deep and sincere. May he learn to embrace my strengths at the same time understand my weakness. Maybe just maybe I am that one person someone somewhere is praying for. Hopefully God is molding me into the right and deserving hundred%.
To be honest I remember little about you and as time goes by, the memories I hold dear keep fading away. It’s funny and at the same time sad as to how I can’t even remember your voice. I feel guilty about it but again they say time has way of healing us and we learn to let go of things we don’t have control over. When you were there I was never close to you, as you know I was more of a daddy’s girl. I look at myself now, the lady I have become and I see someone you would have been proud to call your daughter… without a doubt we would have been best of friends. I keep wondering how things would have been had you still been here today, looking at the battles I have fought in life, things that went south after you left us, truly you were the glue to the family. With time I have come to understand that things were neither easy for you nor were you happy. With maturity all that riddles and puzzles have fallen into place, I applaud you for putting your children first before anything else, you were truly an African Woman On-point. Even on your death bed you called on me to be taken care of because you knew your baby was already not well as you departed, however God has to it that I have fallen in greatest hands. You may not be here to see how far I have come mama; one thing is you have been my guardian angel. In my condition through God who has sustained me I have emerged a proof of life, indeed God is there in our darkest times. One of the traits I got from you is that of a fighter, it’s been a long road and I almost gave up had God not carried me through. I fought a battle which had you been there would have been easier for me however God stepped in and took it all up. One thing I want to tell you is that you leaving us taught me to not lean on my own understanding but to fully trust in God. He alone holds the answers to life questions. He is good and faithful, He filled that void you left and He surprises me every single day in many ways. Mama there is no greater feeling as knowing there is someone somewhere you can trust with your life and will never let you down. The best part is that He understands me completely; He knows your baby is difficult by nature, very sensitive, loves the best in life, quite moody, changes her spot in a split of a second, has a beautiful heart, sometimes jealous and envious of the things she can’t have, insecure, sweet & adorable and quite ambitious in life. Mama your baby is imperfect and He knows it yet He still loves her unconditionally. I know my children will never get to meet you and just as in my eyes you saw the miracle God gave you, I hope I did make you happy and as a result be the best mother ever to them. I pray when I have a daughter “And she wraps her hand around my finger it will puts a smile in my heart and everything will become a little clearer and realize what life is all about”
I pray she turns out beautiful just like you, she will be named after you. With certainty I know she will have a heart like yours; A heart of gold.
NB: God opened away I found a mother who is very loving and understanding, definitely treats me as her own. Many are the times I see God in her eyes she is an amazing woman, an angel sent from above to take care of your baby girl. Mama she’s one in a million and she’s taught me the virtues of a woman, she is kind hearted and very much giving with an open hand. I really love her for she’s the best mother in this earth. When I get a job I will always shower her with gifts and spoil her like I would have done to you had you still been here. She wants a new car and new fridge I sincerely pray that God may grant the desires of her heart.
The memories might all fade away however you still remain in my eyes; will always love you most.
In Loving Memory of EVERLYNE .A. JUMA
Training my mind to see the good in every situation… Why? The humanity in us has its extremes but sometimes we allow that very extreme be it positive or negative to define our values. Only then do we realize we don’t actually know someone and we can never fully understand somebody. Remember we are all travelers of time… believers of differences eventually we all get home. Home is still the same but something in our minds has changed, and that changes everything. We leave in a society that is so fake to a point the truth actually bothers people. The only important thing in life is being at peace with yourself. Sometimes careless words make people love a little less. Sometimes not telling people anything is a good thing while the tragedies of real life is that there is no background music. Like mosaic beautiful but broken pieces FIT TOGETHER to create the wonder that is your soul. Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. Don’t base your decision on the advice of the people who don’t have to deal with the results. Without my brokenness I would have not known that I can enjoy my pieces and be whole. Alone has always felt like an actual place to me as if it weren’t a state of being. But rather a place where I could retreat to be who I really am. Sometimes it pays to have a little faith, the hardest battle is against ourselves while am completely terrified of being like this for the rest of my life. I wish some one would randomly tell me little facts about myself. Not one that I have already told them but ones they have picked up by themselves because the care enough to notice the little things I do.
“Enjoy the little things for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
Am reading a book called The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives, I had been looking for it and finally a friend sent it to me. I am all about African literature; I just finished The Memory of Love by Aminnatta Forna as am busy looking for The Hairdresser of Harare by Tendai Huchu. Basically reading has been my life for past six months; …work, God and my African literature books. I have grown happier and patient, less bothersome about situations I cannot correct. I am learning what it means to walk with God every day of my life. So peaceful I must say… (I don’t have much but He provides that which I need). These past months major changes occurred I felt it (okay physically am still trying this weight thing because the good Lord sees my weakness and is generous with his Strength) but emotionally… mentally and spiritually the winds have changed direction. The year didn’t start well but here I am testifying of His great deeds. I graduated to that age which the society want to smell cows a stretch away…I like when my aunts call me and after pleasantries they ask when is the wedding leave alone that am yet to find this Boaz. Am used to it now I never ask question rather laugh it off. Sometimes my response is simple as “He’s being displayed at the market, on my way home I will not forget to pick him. He’s pre-packed, ready am just too stubborn and late as usual.” Getting the right man is not easy especially if you long for one truly aligned with God’s Word. In a world full vanity; misconception between what is wrong and right…nothing is black or white in dating arena. It’s been said time and again we are a microwavable generation and we love them instant. Am yet to be in a committed relationship (not ashamed to admit it) because of this style of doing things we lack PATIENCE we want it and we want it now this very second. Even God does not work that way, I believe He is a God of process. His word is clear: with prayer and persistence yet, persistence does not stem alone but is rooted firmly in patience so is continuous pray and not giving up… Wait on Him patiently He will prevail. But no…We lack a key thing in life and that’s why some end up with responsibilities when we are too young God forbid we don’t die young cause of our reckless behavior. It takes the Grace of God to be where I am today. Because had He not stepped in to walk me into my purpose, looking back I would be no where. He prevailed and showed me I deserved much more I do not know to what extent but every day He opens my eyes to new sightings. Like a bud flourishing in His sight, He is showing me how His ways are magnificent in my life…and how He is fighting for me and how He has aligned everything in my favor. His word says: Ephesians 1:4-5 even as he chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will Ephesians 1:11 In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of His will. 1 Peter 1:20 He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for the sake of you. Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations. Romans 8:29 for those whom He foreknew Him also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. So yes I will wait and I truly know it will be worth it. For I have met but a few men out here some turned out to be cheaters after side piece, others after dipping into the cookie jar and dumping. And in a generation where people would rather end up in horrible, unstable…full of drama relationships than be alone. Are we that scared of your own company that we have to seek “shelter” in unfulfilling relational ties? We lack intimacy in our lives, we met ate the icing and cherries on top of the cake. Before we could know it, we had sugar rush and instantly it wore off we had little energy left. So we picked up our baggage and left leaving the cake on the table. I want the cake before the whole cherries and icing on top. I want to know someone; what are their deepest fears? How about their bucket list and can we do it together except for bungee jumping. I want to know their hopes and dreams and know if their similar to mine or we can mash it up together to form a rainbow. I want to know their goals and if somehow they hit closer to home, how they view life and where is God in it. Why they eat in a certain manner, are they night owls? Why they like red and not green. Why they don’t tip a waiter, why they prefer brown shoes for office wear and why are all his socks black. Why is his hair always sharply cut, why not an afro and why he is a morning person (am just not a chatty one in the morning I need my solar charge till around 9 to 10). The nitty gritty about someone that’s the cake. And vice versa for me too. But my generation will settle for ANYTHING we lack standards… Measures… never setting the bar high enough for those interested in us to make just little bit of effort. All because we lack patience…